In praise of... being important
Just not in the way you might think
All of us have, at some point, wanted to be important. Maybe as a child, imagining a future life as a police officer, doctor, or firefighter. Or as a 20-something entering the workplace, angling for that first promotion – the first of many. Perhaps as a 40 year old, aiming to lock down a coveted senior title. Or as a soon-to-be retiree, hoping for a seat on the Supervisory Board.
Status is deeply ingrained in our society. We often measure people’s worth by their job title, their material possessions, or the money they earn – three of the least reliable indicators, as recent world events have made more than clear.
But when you think about who has impacted you the most, personally, in a positive way – the person who is important, in your eyes – who is it?
The people who are the most important in our society, who shape the way we treat others, and set off ripple effects more far-reaching than we could ever know, are the ones we often consider the least. The lone parents. The carers. The volunteers. The service workers. The individuals who show up, again and again – not for great monetary reward or recognition, but because it is the right thing to do.
I watch my dad care for my mum, and I know that for her, he is the most important person in the world. The work of carers often goes unseen and unpaid, but he has done something money cannot buy. Through his patience, his devotion, his selflessness, and his love, he has made my mum’s experience of dementia entirely different from what it could have been. He could not be more important.
As for me, I am responsible for the lives of two children. Making their dinner every evening. Their breakfast every morning. Staying calm (or trying to) when they vent their frustrations to me. Paying for things. Sacrificing carefree nights with friends to ensure they have a hot bath and a story, before falling asleep each night.
Society does not hold mothers, especially single mothers like me, in high esteem. When I had my daughter, and struggled through a phenomenally tough, largely sleepless first year, I vividly remember looking at my tax return and thinking, “I’ve worked harder than I ever have in my life, and I’ve never had so little to show for it".
It didn’t occur to me at the time that what I had to show for it was a child who will always know she is unconditionally loved. And that there is nothing more important than that.
On Valentine’s Day this year, always a shitty day for single people, when it’s hard not to feel that you are the least important individual in the world, my son excitedly rummaged in his backpack for something he had made at school. “You’re going to love it Mum,” he told me confidently.
It was a Valentine’s card, covered with messages and colourful hearts. “I love you alot” he had written. “You are the best!” But what stood out to me most were the words “You are inportent!”
I started to cry. “I knew you would love it,” he responded (he knows me).
There have been times – more times than I like to admit – when I have resented the lack of freedom that comes with being a single parent. But, in that moment, I saw with complete clarity how important I truly am.
I am deeply grateful for the unshakeable belief my own parents had in me growing up. The security and self-worth they instilled in me was the foundation of the life I have built – a life that is richer than I ever could have imagined. Now I get the chance to do that for two more people. What a phenomenal privilege.
Maybe you have children. Maybe you don’t. But what I know to be true is that all of us are important in the lives of those closest to us. A hug, a phone call, a meal, a word of affirmation… the smallest things make the biggest difference. Simply taking the time to let a loved one know that they matter – that they, too, are important – is more meaningful that any fancy title, fast car, or bank balance will ever be.
You are important. Especially if society tries to make you feel that you aren’t. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.