In praise of... crushes

Feel-good, fun, frivolous – what's not to like?

My first crush was Andre Agassi. 1992 Andre Agassi, with the flowing blonde ponytail and rebellious attitude. I had the ‘Andre Agassi at Wimbledon’ VHS compilation tape and I was obsessed. A little random maybe, when most of my peers were swooning over Take That, but nevertheless a safe (and classic) way to explore developing emotions and feelings, without taking them for a test drive in the real world.

More than 30 years (!) later, I still adore having a crush. Crushes have motivated me to get out of bed, choose an outfit that makes me feel amazing, paint my lips red… all for the sweet reward of a nod as we pass each other in the corridor, or a smile in my direction during a meeting.

Don’t get me wrong, I do most of those things anyway, most days (get out of bed at least). But a harmless, hedonistic crush simply makes life more fun. And in tough times, the frivolous nature of a crush can make you feel good when everyone and everything else seems to be conspiring to make you feel bad.

When I was struggling in an overwhelmingly stressful job, catching sight of my crush du jour getting a coffee would be enough to brighten my whole day. As my marriage slowly fell apart, a crush on a colleague who was nice to me made me realise that even the bare minimum was far more than I was used to.

In a throwback to my teenage years, crushes in my early 40s became a safe way to explore the frankly terrifying idea of dating again, as I began to realise that maybe it wasn’t all over for me, and I still had the potential to be sexually attractive.

Because the whole point of crushes is that they are about fantasy, and the projection of your ideals. For all of the focus on the other person, they are actually about you and your needs, not them.

I have never so much as kissed one of my crushes, let alone entered into a relationship with them. If I really like someone, it’s way more complex than the easy, ego-boosting daydreaming of crush-land. The cutie you’re crushing on is by their very nature unattainable, which makes any attempt to turn fantasy into reality fraught with potential for disaster (believe me, I know).

For sure, looking back on some of my crushes, it’s hard not to ask myself what was I thinking? As soon as the fairy dust wears off, they turn back into the ordinary, flawed human they always were… the reality check is real. At this moment, the facade usually shatters and it’s time to find a new object of affection.

Right now, I don’t have a crush. And life is quite boring. Hopefully, a cute new barista, dentist, or co-worker will cross my path soon. In the meantime, there’s always bingeing old episodes of ER (hello Doug Ross, my second crush), or the alternate universe where Barack Obama is married to me.

So who was your first crush?